Cracker Jack, the Sequel

This is  a continuation of yesterday’s thoughts. You should probably read those first before you read this one, if you can stand it.

So, I did all this research on the parathyroid hormone. Apparently, if your PTH is out of whack, then you can experience a range of symptoms from feeling run down, sleeping poorly, irritability and a decrease in memory. Irritability? Really? Wow. I started thinking back to my teen years, living at home. I could have had a problem that goes WAY BACK. I started composing a letter to my parents in my head:

“Dear Mom and Dad-

You asked me to keep you informed on all the testing, etc. that my doctor is doing regarding my XLH. I just wanted to let you know that I had my blood drawn yesterday to test my Vitamin D and parathyroid hormone levels, which regulates the calcium in your blood. The parathyroid can affect your mood, apparently, and if it’s out of whack, one can feel depressed and even irritable. I just thought you might want to know this so that when you think of those days when I was a grouchy teenager, maybe you can cut me a little slack since it may have been due to a parathyroid problem. I couldn’t help myself and I hope you’ll forgive me for those several years of being in a foul mood (especially around you, Mom, since you were a stay-at-home mother) and the occasional foul mood that I have been in since that time. I’m sorry. Love, Banjogrrl.”

Then, I thought I should probably share this with my brother and sister, too, to keep them in the loop. So, I composed this letter to them in my head.

“Dear Sister and Brother-

As you two may or may not know or even care, I am getting some blood work done occasionally for my XLH. Google it, in case you forgot what it is that I have. Anyway, although there’s the possibility that my parathyroid hormone is out of whack, which can cause problems like irritability and anger management issues, I am not going to be one of those people that uses a medical condition to explain their bad behavior.

I know that I , your older sister and the boss of you, was often irritable with the two of you when we were growing up. It was definitely not due to the XLH or the parathyroid hormone or any other medical or physiological issue. I was irritable because YOU TWO simply got on my last nerve. Sister, I grew so weary of being asked to play Barbies or play house, when you knew good and well that what I really wanted to do was ride bikes and pretend that I was on a killing mission with my plastic machine gun or bow and arrow or cowboy pistol. That is simply not an arena for Barbies! And, Brother, I just got plain sick and tired of you always stealing my bicycle. I regret that I taught you how to ride one. What was wrong with you? It was a girl’s bike with a banana seat and an awesome sissy bar, and yes, tricked out with playing cards attached to the spokes with clothespins, but DUDE! It was my bike and NOT yours for the taking. Y’all don’t get on my nerves now, because, #1, I don’t have to live with you and #2, the pressure of being the boss of you is now gone since I am not stuck living with you. You just don’t know the pressure I felt. It was palpable. But, I love you anyway and I forgive you. Love, Banjogrrl, the boss of you emeritus.”

I felt pretty sure that when I got the results back from my blood work, the PTH levels would confirm my suspicions that I was going to have to work even harder than the regular, normal person to not be irritable or grouchy. So, the nurse called me from my doctor’s office and said that she had the results from my lab work. I braced myself. “Your Vitamin D is now at 31 ng/mL, which is up from 26 ng/mL and your PTH is NORMAL, right in the middle of the acceptable range.”  WHAT??? Okay, I had a little mini-celebration that my Vitamin D had budged from it’s chronically low level to just above the minimum needed, which is 30, but my PTH was NORMAL??? She continued, “Please call to schedule a retest in 6 months because the doctor really wants that Vitamin D level to be even higher.” Yeah, yeah, okay, I’ll call.

But, NORMAL PTH? My grouch theory is completely wrong. Oh dear. I suppose I can attribute my teenage grouchiness to those OTHER hormones, but what about my grouchiness now?

I Googled “middle-aged woman symptoms irritability.”

The top results were all about menopause. I am sure most of you guessed this already. Sigh.

I’m going to go eat that last box of Cracker Jack. My dad can go buy his own.

Copyright S.G. Hunter and Banjogrrldiaries, 2012-2017